sunday morning

I would kill for an ambien right about now.

Too anxious/tired/stressed/sad to sleep. I’m moving to Austin. I’ve moved to Austin? I have two apartments, one in Denton, one in Austin. I should be in Austin. I’m in Denton. I don’t know why I am in Denton. I’m moving to Austin to go to law school at the University of Texas and I don’t know why I’m moving to Austin to go to law school

Ghosts from last summer keep popping up in my head and they’re going ‘round and ‘round and I can’t sleep. Really, do I want to sleep? Sleeping means waking up tomorrow, Tuesday, one day closer to orientation, one day closer to school, one day closer to permanently moving with no more of this now-I’m-in-Denton now-I’m-in-Austin shit. I hate this now-I’m-in-Denton now-I’m-in-Austin shit, but I don’t want to let it go, because once I do, I’ll be saying goodbye to Denton for good.

Is there anything I want to hang on to in Denton? No, not really. Nothing comes to mind. My time here is over. The people I care about here have moved on or are in the process of moving in. The person I was here is gone, and good riddance to him, don’t let the door hit you on your way out. So what am I clinging to? Memories, I guess. Memories that are far better than the actual times that they correspond to. And hell, the actual memories themselves aren’t even that good, so the times they correspond to must have been fucking terrible. So what am I holding on to? No, that’s not the question. The question is: why am I holding on?